The Altar Within

More than a decade ago, during a rich and expansive time in my life, I scored the chance to play with art materials after some extended time of organic movement and dance. The result was this lady. She’s seen some wear and tear and has been stuffed with the children’s artwork under a bed in the attic. She is an image that came from a hearty desire to carry what I had been experiencing in circles around altars with wise and courageous souls. I just wanted there to be less discrepancy between what I was experiencing and my natural state of being – communicating, holding space, opening – within the circles, and the rest of my life. I wanted to carry the “altar within.”

It’s been so many years since then and many experiences, many changes in path, many deepenings, dark nights, and heady days. Through to this day, I circle up as often as I can. And I am still and always working to erase the line between circle and every-thing-else.

Perhaps what’s been surprising for me in all this is that the circle is still necessary and that the blurring of line between circle and every-thing-else will never mean the lack of a need for carving out kairos – sacred time. The sulfur of the struck match, the stones, statues, fabrics, and candlelight that mark this sacred center, that step outside of time will always be necessary for me. The simple act of setting down the altar is enough to once again wed the rocky world to its moorings. Just like the tree woman in the picture, I need the deep grounding of the earth to reach ever higher, both deepening and unfolding: a perfect marriage of masculine and feminine.

Nowadays, there are many more ways in which I can be called away from center. We are a homeschool family: three kids, three cats and two working parents. I am part of a community of homeschoolers, community of friends, a work community, a church community and the culture of our home. Each of the other family members has her or his own communities each is responsible to as well. It becomes so easy for me to be scattered in a million ways: pleasing every obligation and grasping at each opportunity. Instead, I ask myself, how can I reach out from, instead of reaching away from this rich, sacred center?

I am really lucky, actually. Some of my communities – the yoga circles that I teach, some church celebrations, and even some sacred play with friends, all take place around the glowing flame of a center altar. Even so, this summer I found myself in deep and troubling waters. The center seemed far, even when I was in circle. The mess of my internal world seemed so jagged and wretched that the altar was obscured by my own dark veil. I was in the circle, I was even leading the circle most of the time, but I couldn’t access the center. Sometimes, it was just too hard. The grief of losing refuge in a place that has always been healing was agonizing.

Slowly, what I have realized (although it is still very much a practice for me) is this: I have to welcome myself into the circle. No matter if I am a participant (I forgot: I always am!) or facilitating. I want to welcome in all of me, in the way in which I would welcome in any dark, suffering bits of my students, in the way that I would hold the sweet aching hearts of my children in hard times. I want to welcome myself just that way. And so, maybe the line blurs the other way and a bit of every-thing-else begins to flow towards the altar.

And so, the practice continues. I think I will light a little candle right now. Because I’m welcome. Right now. Just as I am.

Namaste, 
Amy

Intentional Moms Yoga Circle

“I love this circle. I love it because in the beginning I'm asked what I need today- physically, emotionally, spiritually. Hardly anyone ever asks me what I need!” – Suzette N.

About 5 years ago, I gazed out on a circle of yogis, deep in the throes of savasana and a thought came through bold as anything: “Wow. If anyone needs this, it’s homeschool moms!” Shortly after that, the first Homeschool Moms Yoga Circle was formed. 

"Attending IMYC gives me space to consciously connect with the woman in me, and the women who surround me. It is a much needed deep breath of reflection and peace. IMYC also reminds me of the continuing strength of my body and my appreciation for it." -Diane R.

This brave group of mommas came together to connect with their breath, with each other, and to relax away some of the very real stress of walking an intentional mothering path. We feasted together afterwards and the bonds swelled there, too, relief heavily threaded through the conspicuous laughter and tears.

“I feel nourished and rejuvenated afterwards, like I've given myself a wonderful gift!” – Cardinal L.

A couple of years ago, and after having brought this idea to the group, we decided to expand the circle, re-christening it as the Intentional Moms Yoga Circle.  Because, we felt, what mom doesn’t need this?

“The circle offers a much more gentle way of being with women; a whole different way than I knew growing up and even into adulthood.  There is no judgment or competition. I feel genuinely cared for and accepted for exactly who I am.” – Jess I.

In these years, the circle has moved several times, having gathered in a (master!) bedroom-cum-studio, in a river-side studio, amongst stuffed, fez-topped lions, and now: at Authentic. Our home, finally. And with this homecoming, the circle has begun to be it’s own living thing: arms that we step gratefully and graciously into each month. Jess came to our circle (how could she have ever NOT been part of it?!) and she and I do our best to facilitate a deep relief for body, mind, heart, and soul.

“My body is challenged by the yoga work, and later always feels better. My spirit feels nurtured and grounded by the spiritual and deep play components. I also feel happy and renewed after eating and socializing with everyone after the yoga piece is finished. It's perfect that this is a circle, because the experience feels very whole to me. It meets me on all levels: physical, emotional, spiritual and social.” – Suzette N.

Ultimately, my hope is that the circle serves, that it somehow midwives continual healing for the moms and for all the children, families and communities to which they offer their love and gifts.  

Please join us! Find out more about May's circle here. 

Namaste,

Amy

Moon Tribe Yoga Circle

       “Who is She?

       She is a daughter. She is a best friend. She is a pocketful of light. She is a spark of    something good, getting brighter; a dream grown large; the right thing at the right time… She wakes with anticipation. She finds new hills to climb. And everyone agrees that the very fact of her in the world means there is still so much good to come.

       Who is She? She is me. She is you. I am Her.” 

                                                                              

                                                                                        – From “I am Her” by M. H. Clark

Because I am a homeschool mom, I have the gift of spending time with lots of kids, lots of different ages, gifts, and personalities in community. I get to have conversations with two-year-olds and fifteen-year-olds, wee girls, big boys, young women and men. Also, lots and lots of moms and some dads.  I just love this side effect of homeschooling, because I get to have real connections with all these kids who hang out with me in this weave of community. 

Over the last few years, the moms and I have created a rich and nurturing circle in which we are able to bare and be borne.  It’s a yoga circle, but it’s become so much more. One mom described it like this:

“Imagine....a dimly lit room with an immaculate altar adorned with candles galore and 15-20 women in a close intimate circle moving together, meditating together, finding peace together through yoga...individual, partner, and community yoga poses. Connecting deeply. Circling even closer through…ritual. Women pouring out their hearts, opening up to the possibility of healing, of receiving, of being, of loving themselves. And then we close with three heart felt OMs and the circle continues with feasting and closeness as our conversations remain on a very deep and empowering level. Women connecting and feeling heard.”

And then the wondering began. Could this kind of offering be made for our young women, for our not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman, maiden, girl children?  

The answer, of course, is Yes! This circle has certainly been gestating long before it came into consciousness for us grown women. These girls are ready for this! This is their circle: Moon Tribe Yoga Circle!

If you are a mom or an aunt or a friend of a young woman, age 10-17, and you would have “loved to have this kind of circle when I was young” – invite her! She can choose to say yes or no. The circle will always remain open.

More info here.

Namaste,

Amy

Letting the Pendulum Swing

Pendulum

“It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking the holidays are about giving and receiving presents or attending parties, but it’s really small, quiet acts of gratitude that cultivate connection.” –Brené Brown

pen·du·lum

ˈpenjələm,ˈpendyə-/

noun

1.     
a weight hung from a fixed point so that it can swing freely backward and forward.

Traditionally, and, by that I mean over the last few thousand years, this time of year represents a season of turning in, quieting, as the pendulum swings freely from the brightest, virile days of summer to the darkest, quietest days of winter.  Our ancestors relied on this rhythm to ensure the continuation of life: plant, grow, harvest, rest. We still need this rhythm to enable health in our bodies, in our families, and in our communities.

What I often observe, in my yoga circles, in my friends’ and family’s lives, really rides to the other end of the pendulum. What I see, even more than the physical doing, doing, doing of gift buying, decorating, parties, recitals, increased work load etc, etc, is the mental equivalent: “If I just give the perfect gift, throw the perfect party, have the perfect outfit, make the perfect cookie, have the most meaningful encounter with a salvation army bell ringer, then I will feel happy/satisfied/blessed/enough.”  This is not necessarily something to change outside of our selves, although that may follow, but rather an internal downshifting.

Recently, it seems I’m having a recurring conversation with students and potential students around their experiences with “hot yoga” or “power yoga” or P90x yoga – it seems this lack of balance is even creeping into the realm of yoga exercise. One reviewer noted that in the P90x version of yoga exercise, “savasana (the deep relaxation and integration that seals each yoga practice) is included, but only lasts one minute, possibly because that is the longest (the instructor) can bear to stop talking.”

My hope is that we can free the pendulum again to swing in the direction of balance: in our yoga offerings, in our families, and in our minds. Can we allow the momentary discomfort of shifting to neutral while we give our bodies a chance to breathe, our minds a chance to quiet, and our hearts a chance to rest? This so that we can turn ever inwards towards the small, tenacious shard of light which is our soul.

“Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.” –Yogi tea bag

On Birth

Some of the most amazing mavens of birth in my life are women who have not gestated actual human beings. One brave friend gave birth – a kind of phoenix-from-the-ashes-birth/re-birth of self kind of thing. Breast Cancer. Another friend has been laboring for what seems like ever to birth herself from the bonds of a marriage that isn’t ending so peacefully. Yet another friend did a twin birth: breast cancer and divorce all in one. Birth, of any kind, is not always pretty or tidy, but it is sacred.

Some friends birth a new business or vocation, a book, a project, a new state of consciousness, a new relationship. I wonder about honoring the birth of young ladies into womanhood, the birth of older ladies into wisdomhood. Where are our rights of passage, our midwives, our support for these births?

This week, I am blessed to begin a new adventure at Authentic Birth Center. Authentic is a place where pregnant mommas can sit in circle and hold space for each other. Authentic is a place for babies to come safely, sacredly, beautifully into the world.  And, it’s a place for honoring the births that happen throughout our lives as women.

Please find more about Authentic Birth Center here

Find out more about the Sacred Pregnancy circles here

And, please, share here your own “birth” stories.  What would it feel like for you to be midwifed through these births? How could this time and space be honored for you?

Namaste,

Amy