#smufslife

Ok, I am finally writing this post. I am going to share the SMUFS philosophy with the world.

I honestly don't remember when it started, but I'm sure it had to do with coffee. My partner and I are often working alternate shifts on the home front. I go to bed first, he gets up first. I am home during the day, he is home at night. So, naturally, we pick up where the other left off: domestically, parentally, laundry-ly.  If he is tired at the end of his "shift," he may leave the dinner dishes in the sink. This means that I begin my shift with a sink full of dirty dishes (this, by the way, is NOT SMUFS.)

I'm sure that way back when, I woke up and did not have coffee (wasn't ground, pot wasn't set-up, out of filters, or some variation). And I requested that next time, he set me up for success. In fact, why couldn't we always set each other up for success? As in: keep in mind where your partner is picking up, not just where you are leaving off. Set Me Up For Success: wipe down the highchair tray so I can put the child right in her highchair in the morning, I'll make the dinner and get it in the crockpot for when you get home and instantaneously need to feed four ravenous children. When there is an overnight accident, put those sheets in the washer so that partner can get them in the dryer and someone can get them back on the bed (preferably before the child is being put to bed, but that is pretty high level of SMUFery).

As time has passed, I have begun to consider setting MYSELF up for success, too. Why not?! The other day, we were at story time at the library and they offer snacks. We don't usually do snacks because the kids are so busy playing. But, a couple of weeks ago, I took one of those paper cups, I filled it with pretzel sticks and animal crackers. And guess what? When I was getting the squirmy toddler into the car: Bingo! Animal cracker bribe available! SMUFS!

SMUFS almost always means vaulting into the future, predicting upcoming vulnerable or stressful moments, and using present self awareness to set up said success in advance. I think it is a good way to live. I think it is a kind way to partner.

So, in case it's confusing, I have created a list of SMUFS and NOT SMUFS.

SMUFS
* Set the coffee pot up the night before. One button push, instant heaven.
* Load extra clothes, diapers, snacks for little ones into the car.
* Crock pot. 'Nuff said.
* Bring a plastic bag when you know your kid is going to get muddy, wet, or in some other way kidtastic at the outing-of-the-day.
* Carry 2-4 boxes of mac-n-cheese with you at all times.
* Charge the phone, laptop, iPad, etc, overnight.
* Say, "I'm so glad I got to see you/have breakfast with you/ hang out with you" to anyone, anytime.
* Grind coffee beans when you use the last or second- or third-to-last scoop.


NOT SMUFS
* Leaving the car seat, which you borrowed from one car to the other, in the car that is NOT at home with the kid.
* Not setting the coffee pot up.
* Leaving the kid-who-just-NEEDS-that-one-shirt's shirt in the washer and forgetting to get it transferred to the dryer.
* Running out of coffee (or any staple grocery product, really) and not telling your partner until s/he discovers it when desperately looking for a button to push at 6am.
* Spending the quarter that's in the car EXPLICTLY TO BE USED FOR THE CART AT ALDI, and not replacing it.
* Using the last diaper in the diaper bag and not re-filling it.
* Dropping someone's toothbrush in the garbage and not telling them a). that you dropped it into the garbage and b). that they should probably stop and get a new one on the way home.
* Knowing the cat puked all over the rug, not cleaning it up AND not giving your partner a heads up about the pile of regurgitated goo that they will, no doubt, unwittingly, step RIGHT INTO.

You can see that COFFEE plays a huge part in the SMUFS life of this house. What does SMUFS look like to you?

#smufslife

Love,
Amy

A Meditation for Challenging Relationships

Begin by sitting in a comfortable position with eyes closed lightly. Sit quietly for a little while, just letting yourself land in the present moment. (Note: you may want to do this with a friend and each take turns reading the instructions to the other)

Now, just imagine a person you are having a hard time with, not someone you can easily blow off, like your aunt’s second husband who’s annoying and opinionated (“Don’t try to win over the haters. You are not a Jackass whisperer” – Brene Brown). Bring to heart someone with whom there is some heart connection. The challenges between you could be of a longterm nature or just recent and acute. Although there may be several people that fall into this category, just choose one for now.*

Now imagine this difficult person (the “DP”) is quietly sitting opposite you at eye level. Imagine all the details you can about how the DP looks. Try to let the image become vivid. Do this for a few minutes.

Now, imagine that you switch places and become the DP. Notice first what it is like to be in this body.

How old are you?

How is you health? Do you have any physical discomforts as this person?

What emotions do you feel?

For what do you long?

What kind of thoughts are in your mind?

Spend a few minutes identifying with the DP.

            Now, look at the person sitting opposite you (you are the DP looking at you who began the exercise, i.e., yourself.) As you look at this person who is having such a difficult time with you, think about what it is you want from them. Imagine that the person can actually give you what you want. Now imagine that the person you are looking at gives you whatever it was that you wanted. Notice how you feel having received what you were longing for. Take a little while to go through this whole process.

Now, switch back and become your ordinary self again. Look at the DP again. Notice how you feel having given the DP what s/he wanted. Is it okay with you? Could you really do this? Breathe here, allowing any feelings, thoughts, images to circulate freely through your mind. When you feel ready, allow the images to fade as you become aware of your body again. Open the eyes slowly and sit quietly for a few more minutes.

* Although it may seem as if this practice is directed towards another, “difficult” person, you may find, after the practice, that your own internal shift may effect more than just this relationship. 

Namaste, 

Amy