A Meditation for Challenging Relationships

Begin by sitting in a comfortable position with eyes closed lightly. Sit quietly for a little while, just letting yourself land in the present moment. (Note: you may want to do this with a friend and each take turns reading the instructions to the other)

Now, just imagine a person you are having a hard time with, not someone you can easily blow off, like your aunt’s second husband who’s annoying and opinionated (“Don’t try to win over the haters. You are not a Jackass whisperer” – Brene Brown). Bring to heart someone with whom there is some heart connection. The challenges between you could be of a longterm nature or just recent and acute. Although there may be several people that fall into this category, just choose one for now.*

Now imagine this difficult person (the “DP”) is quietly sitting opposite you at eye level. Imagine all the details you can about how the DP looks. Try to let the image become vivid. Do this for a few minutes.

Now, imagine that you switch places and become the DP. Notice first what it is like to be in this body.

How old are you?

How is you health? Do you have any physical discomforts as this person?

What emotions do you feel?

For what do you long?

What kind of thoughts are in your mind?

Spend a few minutes identifying with the DP.

            Now, look at the person sitting opposite you (you are the DP looking at you who began the exercise, i.e., yourself.) As you look at this person who is having such a difficult time with you, think about what it is you want from them. Imagine that the person can actually give you what you want. Now imagine that the person you are looking at gives you whatever it was that you wanted. Notice how you feel having received what you were longing for. Take a little while to go through this whole process.

Now, switch back and become your ordinary self again. Look at the DP again. Notice how you feel having given the DP what s/he wanted. Is it okay with you? Could you really do this? Breathe here, allowing any feelings, thoughts, images to circulate freely through your mind. When you feel ready, allow the images to fade as you become aware of your body again. Open the eyes slowly and sit quietly for a few more minutes.

* Although it may seem as if this practice is directed towards another, “difficult” person, you may find, after the practice, that your own internal shift may effect more than just this relationship. 

Namaste, 

Amy